so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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