I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's like God shit irony all over that family
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
