thus making me awesome and them whores
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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