operation harelip BJ is a go
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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