the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
