The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
