I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
