Sry I called you an 8
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
