Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize