i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
