woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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