Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize