I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
