if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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