3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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