Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
