i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
