I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize