i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
