You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
