I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
