Come see our sink grown plant.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
