we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
