i barfeds in our rink
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
