Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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