New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
