Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
