dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you win again, gameday.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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