Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I looked at my own cervix.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
