they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
there is glitter all over my balls
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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