I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I love you. Go after that dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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