this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
