I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
