All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
