The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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