You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
