The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
