She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I didn't notice because vodka
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
