Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
