I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize