When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
