Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
