Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
