Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
