I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
