I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
