you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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