You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
