so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
