omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
