The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
