I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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