dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
