you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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