I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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