How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
