Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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