but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
