i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They have beer where we have blood.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize