I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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