just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
