i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize