They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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