Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
