Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
