I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
