btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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