I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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