I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
